Sunday, Jan. 11, 2004 - 8:04 p.m.
ok, i have so much i want to write tonight .. but im not sure how long im going to last here .. im in a tremendus amout of pain and the only thing keeping me here is that im lonely and want some one to talk to after a terrible weekend.
Firstly i will tell you about my weekend .. and then i will tell you about my worries .. as there are quite a few. i may go private with some thigns though.
Ok, so Friday. I stayed at Fran's on Thursday night and we got up about either. Nat arrived at about half eight and we were straight off. (Fran's local swimming team is actually an hour away in Colchester, Nat swims for them two and also happens to be on the GB squad. So they spend a lot of time together and seen as they live quite close, share the driving to training camps and so on.)
I accidently took the wrong turning on the A1 (i know why i took it, it makes sence to me but i wont bother explaining!) so we ended up on the M18, then the snake path! lol .. was actually a very pritty route and didnt take a whole lot longer. It took four hours to get int to Manc and another hour to find the fecking hotel!!
I had called Gemma (my friend in Manc) Thursday night and she said she would orgonize some one to either meet me at the hotel and take me to hers with key's .. or give me directions to her house and meet me there with keys. Only she hadn't spoken to any one, so just sent me a text message with people's phone numbers in!! I was really cross, its not up to me to call her friends and ask them to help me out .. i do know them, but not well enough to do that!!
Any way, I dropped the girls off at the hotel and two and layed on the bed for a bit then called Nicky, who is Gemma's PA. She said she couldnt come to the hotel or Gemma's and that she was dyslexic so couldnt give directions .. she was quite rude about it to be honest and i was already not happy about the situation .. i ended up in fluds!! I desided to get direction from the hotel staff and try to get to Nicky's house .. only after an hour of driving round, still in tears, i'd no idea where i was. I'd given up calling Nicky to ask where i was and just kept driving. I actually ended up by Gemma's house so i went and parked up put side. I called Nicky and told her not to worry. I then called Gem to tell her where i was. She said to call a friend of her's Kay, who i know (she has ME actually) and im a bit weary of her cos she can shout some times. Any way, she didnt answer her home phone so i called her mobile. She went MAD .. 'Im actually really busy Jo, im right in the middle of something' she was all huffy and i kept saying, please dont worry, i will be ok untill Gem comes home, dont worry about coming out. But she said 'look, i'l go home, get the keys and come back, but i'l be 45 mins' .. she was really pissed off :-S .. I didnt think she would come in the end she shouted so much, but as she said, 45 mins later she turned up.
As i got out of the car i said 'Kay, im so sorry to drag you out, but thank you ever so much for doing this' (I always make an effort with her cos i know she can be funny!!) But she went off on one! 'Im sick of this Jo, i'v spend the whole day picking up other peoples chrisises. I dont want these keys back, i never want to be put in this situation again. Im not cross at you, but why the hell are you here when Gemma isnt? And why didnt Gemma orgonize this before now?' I just didnt say a thing, i'd been crying so much i was welling up again and about to cry any second! (I'd cryed so much in the car, i'd had to use resipts to blow my nose one!!!!) Any way, i got in to the lobby but Kay didnt know the coad for her security alarm so i just ended up sitting outside her door for another 45 mins any way. I was so cold, in so much pain after over 6 hours of driving .. my back was in spasum and i'v had this really nasty head ache that i just cant get rid of. I just cryed untill Gemma got home.
That evening i just had to go to bed, my eyes swelled so much i was unable to close my right eyelid, i swear the swelling was causing nerve pain in my head and that was making me sick, i was so dizzy and just coundlt see anything .. my light avertion was terrible to, i was really quite ill.
Saturday, my eyes had gone down a bit, but they were still swollen and the pain was still there, i was struggeling with the lights too. We got up late isnt and went round to see a friend of Gem's who has MS. Gem only really showed me where she lived in case the same thing happened again with keys and so on. We then went round to Brian's house. He is Gem's ex aand very lovely indeeeeed!! We then went to pick up antonia and went for a meal. Only at half six my head got much worse again so we had to go home :-( (not that Gem was up to much either, Kay who was really horrid is Gems best friend and she's REALLY cut up about how she behaved)
I watched casualty then talked to Fran :-) but its wasnt long before i was in bed. I'v taken about 10 meptid over the past 3 days :-O thats a very lot for me!!
This morning, i couldnt wait to see Fran so i jumped out of bed at 9 and was out the door my half past. I dont think i'v ever wanted a hug and a kis so bad ever, i was just so ill and so angry and all i wanted to do was cry and get her to take me home. She wasnt dew to finish till one so i was jumping the gun a bit but i didnt care!! I just wanted my hug :-D
We dossed about and talked, we didnt get much hugging or kissing in cos Nat was about most of the time and then we have to act very straight in frount of all her team mates and staff .. lol .. so no mincing for me then ;-)
We left at one with Nat's mum too .. we met up with Gem in the sports cafe round the corner and had a lovely meal, fran gets 60% off cos she's a world class swimmer!! Was lovely :-)
Im not really sure what time we made it home, but we went M6, M1, A14 this time so no chance to take some mad de-tour!!
Now im home, im in a huge amout of pain, my legs are killing from driving. My back went in to spasum after i made my self jump in a toilet (i turned the hand dryer on with my arm and it made me jump so much i went in to spasum) so thats killing me still, and my left arm is pratically refusing to work at the moment! Physically im only in pain, im actually not that sleepy .. emotionally, i feel very drained and thats not going to be made up for a while cos Fran has exams this week so i cant see her .. i'm going to have to hug Henry and Tigger so keep me going untill i get my hug fix!!
my worries
Ok, so i know i mean about money quite a lot but im thinking long term here. Although im actually very short at the moment (much much worse than normaly). I move in a few weeks, i have just under �1000 in savings, might sound a lot for some one on benifits, but thats all i have in the whole world and i worked hard to get it together. I need a huge amout of stuff for the house, including a fridge and cooker and im going to have to spend nearly all my savings on getting that stuff together. I dont mind spending my savings, thats what i saved it for, but in a few weeks both my wheel chair and car insurance scomes up. Then, if i manage to find the money for all that stuff, i then have to start saving again to go to Athens to see Fran in the paraolympics .. now dont get me wrong, i want to do this So badly!! But im scared its going to cost lots. I wont manage to get much savings together between now and going so i expect i will once again blow out all my savings and have to start again when im back. The problem with that is, when im back, me and Fran are hoping to go to Manc! NOw this will be more expencive that anything else i'v ever done! Just getting a man and a van to take all our shit to Manc will cost a fourtune. Thats with out even thinking about what were going to do about finding houseing, moving hospitals, all the stuff you ont think of that's just come rushing in to my head over this weekend! I should stop worrying cos we dont HAVE to go straight away, we could stay another few months to get some money togehter.
So there we have it, some of my worries of the moment! Nearly always money, but its always a problem so ii guess i shoudlnt be suprised!
Right .. im so glad im finished .. my head is going to kill me for this!!
I'l catch up with every one soon x x x x x x x x
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004