Monday, Nov. 10, 2003 - 11:52 a.m.
I have started this entry twice now, this time i intend to finish it.
I went to hositpal today, had an appointment with the new bladder nurse. I see one every nine months. I started seeing them two years ago after seeing Dr Turner (Urology Dr) who told me there was nothing wrong with my bladder and that all tests would be invasive and inconclucive. Any way, the first time i went, i saw the nurse and the Dr .. i did the 'normal' test ... i pee on this speical mashine that measures flow, then i got back to another room where they scan my belly for left overs (residual urine). The first time i had 20ml of urine left, thats not good, but its not horrific by any standards. It just showed that things wernt quite right that they desided to keep an eye on things. I never saw that Dr again. The second time i went back i *stupidly* did my 'empty' routine where i press on my bladder to make sure i get rid of everything .. (Duh, you shouldnt do anything to help it along, it voids the test results) any way .. a mear 9ml of urine left. She said had i been retaining more i could have see Dr Turner again (at the time that was a big deal!) how ever, as i didnt retain more she would see me again in nine months and if still not retaining much i could be discharged. So, today, i called up the nurse i was seeing with a view to not bothing going .. seen as im under the care of Prof Fowler in London there was almost no point in going. Being discharged didnt mean anything a there was on going care in London and see Turner again was almost pointless. I couldnt get through though and seen as it was only a quicky i went any way. This new nurse was lovely, Barber, the woman i had been seeing for the last few times has left to go out in to the community. This new lady is a lovely nurse specilist (they are great, know more than Dr's by MILES!)
I must admit i had been rather naughty this morning, i know i have to drink masses of water of my bladder caves in on its self .. but i'd not had anything all morning. I got up, did my morning pee and bolted for the door to get to Addenbrooks on time. She went through my notes, we had a wee giggle about my vomiting over the last Dr and then she took me through to pee. I sat on the loo, did the smallest drip you could ever imagen and just could not go. For the life of me, as far as i was conserned, my bladder was empty. I came out and said, 'im really sorry, i'v not had a drink thismorning, my bladder is totally empty, there wasnt anything to pee'. She said, 'well we will scan you and see if there is anything left over.' She started to scan and said, 'yes, there is nothing there .. can i just have a quick look lower down?' She moved down and scanned again, then moved even lower untill touching my pubic bone. Said 'ah, its all hiding down here' Got up off the bed and asked what i was retaining ... can you guess? Over 150ml :-O .. thats a whole pee. YOu pee about 300ml in the morning and between 150ml & 200ml during the day. She said 'normaly, with this kind of retention, we would start self catheterization .. but seen as your seeing the Prof, i will write to her and talk to Dr turner.' I was quite shocked! I have been going to my Gp for the last few weeks telling them that im retaining more than normal .. i knew i was, i knew there was something wrong. They told me i was infected, to drink cranburry juise and go away. Then they said that i wasnt destended (When you havent pee'd in ages your tummy swells and goes hard .. i dont retain enough to become destended really, it would have to be over 12 hours i would have thouhg) therefore it couldnt be that bad.
The nurse said that she didnt want to dicharge me even though i was seeing the prof because the chances are i will get very ill with it soon and need to come in to have a catheter popped in while they sort me out. She said she wanted me to stay on as an emergancy so they could get me seen quike if anything should happen. In the mean while the Prof can look in to whats happening. Its al quite dornting really, it had always been spoken about, what might happen .. that i might need to self catheter or need a bag .. but i never actually thought it would happen .. not for a second! ... had i thought it would, i would have stopped faking years ago ;o) Never mind .. however scary this is, its actually good news. The more test restults i have saying there is somthing wrong the less they can fob me off with bullshit storys.
Tonight i found out .. in a rather bizzar manor .. that Alison has been calling my friend Gem (from Manchester) to talk to her about how she has to lie to me with regards to her eating and cutting. Im a bit shocked to be honest .. and pissed at them both, but shit happens. May be i should send an E mail out to EVERYONE in my address book talking about how i'v had my trust broken and how you would pick up cat's .. what do you think ;o)
Ok Kids .. mom's sleepy. See you all tomorrow. Sweet dreams, dont let the bed bugs bite *kisses your forhead* .. *turns out the light and pull's the door too*
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004