2003-05-08 - 9:57 a.m.
Been to the Dr ..
I want my mum.
How can good news still be bad news? Thats not right .. it shouldnt work like that. I read the phyc letter, in fact, i have a copy of the phyc letter. Would you like to read it?
Mental State Examination: Jo was well presented and appeared cheerful and smiling. She has good rapport and eye contact. She was seated in her wheel chair throughout the consultation. He speech was essentually normal with occasional sluring of words. He mood was euthymic, objectively and subjectively. She has no suicidal ideation and no symptoms of anziety. Thought was normal, no obvious delusional thought and no abnormal perception. She was orientated in time and person. In terms of insight she felt her problems were due to her fall exacerbated by post viral illness. She was baffled by the idea that she was thought to have a conversion disorder or somatiform disorder and said she did not mind if a diagnosis was never made, but did no want to have a psychiatric lable. She mentioned that she had no expectations of our consultation and was happy to see any one as she did not want to be difficult. She was, however, intrested in our opinion.
Physical examination: Thorough neurological examination was not possible given the constraints and i note that her next neurology review is on the 28th of this month. There was no obvious musle wasting in her legs and he gait was wide based and swaggering. She did not look unsteady enough to fall at anytime, but was anxious about this. She has no pronator drife, no nystagmus, intentional tremor, past pointing or dysdiadochkinesis and no obvious truncal ataxia.
Collatral history: From Dr Grande, (this is the Dr i thought was so fucking good i didnt want to leave cambridge and leave him. The one i trusted totally, who i thought believe me and did all he could to find out what was wring with me)who was her GP from December 2001 till January 2002. Jo attended surgery about once a month and always drove and walked up the stairs to the consulting room. She attended frequently as Dr Grande wanted to review her, but he also felt that she had another agenda. Most of her concerns were about her legs, bowles and bladder symptoms and also possible blackouts. He felt that the blackouts waned when issues of not being able to drive were mentioned. She did not attend for any other somatic symptoms that were mentioned in the report from Dr Wessley's team. She was not at any point concerned about occult pathology or diognosis per se and strongly believes that she has CFIDS. She did resist referral to Dr Wessley's team as she felt they were knowen for being reluctant to acknolage ME.
My impression is that Jo is functioning well and is not seeking further medical intention. She is not depressed but has some anxious personality traits. On further discussion with Dr Ramana, we have agreed that there is no need to pathologise her symptoms from a psychiatric point of view and that the criteria are not met for a dissociative motor disorder or somatiform disorder, we will not be offering her further psychiatry outpatient appointments.
Yours sincerely,
*insert scribble here*
Dr R S Puvavachandra.
So there we have it .. good news and v. v. bad news all rolled in to one. I guess some of you are thinking where's the bad news? Well dont fear .. im about to tell you!
Dr Grande was amazing, he was so kind and caring. I felt he actually looked after me rather than just being my GP. I trusted him totally, i was honest with him about everything and i thought i got the same in return. You might think this is trivule but when you are ill for a long time with no real diognosis or care, you need your GP to back you up and support you. I want to know exactly what he though my agenda was? To spend the rest of my life in a chair? To be in pain, not work, have no life? I wonder exactly what he meant by that.
I just feel like my trust has been broken in the worst way. Im used to so called friends pissing on me, family being wankers and genrely being let down .. but i really thought i had found a Dr who i could place all my trust in. I dont trust my consultants to do anything, i dont think they even know who i am. They dont listen or care what happens to me .. im just another boring case they cant be assed to deal with. I guess it should just go with out saying that you cant trust the medical profesion. I will know better next time.
Having said all that, Dr Burrle my new Dr is nice, and was really kind today. She read the letter out cos i cant read very well and explained some bits to me. I think she could see that i was upset by what Dr grande said and told me the GP's are sometimes wrong! lol .. I KNOW!!
I still having had a letter back from the Gastroentorologists yet (jesus, thats such a long word!!) I have asked her to follow that up cos if i really need them B12 injections they dont seem that bothered about it! Nob heads. Any way, she said she would send me a perscription once she had the letter so there is no need to go back. It sounds like i will be doctor free for a while!! WAHAYYYY!!
ooooooo .. i am going to the 'Second London Disabled Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Conference' *YAY* im well excited! Gemma is a friend i met online years ago, we were e mail pals who started talking on the phone and now we see each other as often as possible! She is lovely :o) Thats who i go and stay with when im in Manchester. Any way, the conf in London and im hoping that the group Gemma works with are going to put us up too ;o) What ever happens it will be great for my web site (GLADonline) as i will be able to promote it!! But i will also be able to do write up's for the site too. Always handy :o) Good excuse to see Gem too! Its been a while.
Do youh ave one song that make syou feel better no matter whats happened? It wouldnt matter if there had been some absolutly horrific incidend or you just broke a nail .. it would stil make you tingle and feel better? Well mind is Sarah McLachlan, In the arms of the angels. Its so amazing, i love it so much. Her hole 'remix' album is amazing .. makes me tingle from head to tow. Im listning to it now, its making me feel better. And i will keep listning till my girl gets home from physio and call me.
My friend steven is over tonight, im cooking pasta .. well, i will try and cook pasta ;o) But as the few special people who have stayed here know .. my cullenary skills leave some what to be desiered! Im sure he will eat it any way, bless him, hope idont kill him! We are just going to go through our British Sign Language folders. I feel bad really cos i didnt go to college last night. I just didnt have the energy to sit up for 2 hours and think about signs and al that. It was just too much yesterday. Im not feeling that great today either but never mind.
I cant remember if i have taken my pills or not. The question is do i take them any way and just hope i havent taken them already or do i leave it and run the risk of a shaky attack? Take em any way me thinks. Wont kill me eh! :-s .. lol ;o)
Did i tell you Alison brought a new car? Its a while Renut 19 .. J plate, only �300!! Its a bargin! She has been bouncing off the walls for the past few days bless her .. very excited about it. We went out for a drive yesterday. She is bloody slow mind .. i was sitting there thinkings 'she will speed up in a min' but she never did .. lol. not that i speed mind, i just to a fast slow ;o) hehe :-P
Before i go can i just reitirate something i said last night: By the way, there is no compatition in being ill. Some sick fuckes seem to think there is. What happens to me when i shake isnt funny for me or any one around me so please dont make light of it. We are all unwell and thats fine but lets not make it the be all and end all of our lives eh? Life goes on your either in it or your not. So get a life and stop taking the piss out of people who really are ill.
Have a good day :o)
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004