2002-12-18 - 12:07 a.m.
I'm back baby YERRRR!
(written Friday 29th)
God it feels like forever to be honest .. although in an odd way I haven�t missed the net at all! I having missed the sitting here till 3am talking bollox and not being able to move after cos I'm so saw! Lol
But I have missed the contact .. and (((((THANK YOU)))) to every one who sent me text messages, I'm really sorry I haven�t had a chance to get back to you yet, as you can imajen, things have been rather topcy turvy this end and money is top of my list (A list of what I need that is ;-) � lol)
�Hang about .. what are you doin� ere?� � I hear you all shout!! Well!! � lol, After being told the whole week before I moved out that they had no where for me .. and that I would have to go in to a BnB .. they found me a room in a hostel :-D
Its actually REALLY nice!! Its big and light and airy and its quiet, the people are lovely .. I'm really happy! I have managed to get on line much quicker than I thought I would so that�s even better!!
I have no care sorted yet, although by the time you read this that might have changed .. *fingers crossed* They should be coming a few times a day just to make sure I'm ok and sort out anything that needs doing.
I have a proper address now .. so you don�t have to use my dads � if you would like it, please contact me here [email protected] and I will send it out to ya ;-)
I'm so glad to be back though .. I cant weight to talk to you all again ..even if it has only been a week!! LOL .. Love you all xxxxxx
Doctor Danny
(written Saturday 30th)
Hummm � I guess this is kinda good news? I'm trying to look for the good .. I think I might break down if I didn�t!
I went to the Kings College Hospital, London .. this week to see Prof Wessley. Now I'm more than sure most of you will have heard about him, and you can see on the 25% ME group what most people think of him. But I would like to put my own point across before people start to tell me had horrid he is.
I saw his SHO .. granted it wasn�t Prof wessley him self, but he has been taught by him.
I was a state in the sitting room, as always, and after a 5 hour day (already) I really wasn�t up to it .. but after saying to my sister over and over �take me home, take me home� he came out and got us.
Really reminded me of a science teacher I had .. lol .. he was a nice chap but after every thing I had read my guards were really up.
He introduced him self, asked who I had with me and told her that if she thought I had missed anything out she was to butt in!
The first thing he did was look at me and say �wow, you have been though so much over the last few years, I don�t know how you cope� I was a bit cross because I thought everything he said was going to be in reference to my being mentally ill . blah blah blah .. but he meant it. He looked and sounded genuine, and as the time went on a realized .. he wasn�t �out to get me� he wanted to hear my side of the story so he could give an objective view on what had been going on, and possibly help me?
I told him what had been happening .. from when the pain started to when I landed in hospital bed bound � everything. He made sure I told him about each symptom in order of when it started. So back pain first, bladder problems second and so on.
He wrote EVERYTHING down .. and I'm not talking about notes, I mean EVERYTHING .. it was clear that he was really listening to me, wanted to hear my story and no miss anything out.
As we went though things we talked about family and school and all that, long with how this whole thing had affected me & what I saw in the future.
Pleased don�t get me wrong, this doctor IS a physiatrist and WAS looking for signs of mental illness, so some of his questions were about my mental health .. past and present. But as the consultation went on I became more relaxed and it became more obvious that he was �on my side�
The doctor explained that most people who come to see him can only make a cup of tea mid after noon and have to rest for 24 hours before then can do anything similar again. He also said that a lot of people he see�s have an idea in there head that he is going to sign them off on IB for the rest of there lives.
We then talked about my condition and he explained that the CBT he offers (or any one offers for that matter) wouldn�t help me at all, and wouldn�t be wroth that trouble.
He explained that he didn�t think I have ME at all .. that the chances are they wouldn�t find anything physical wrong with me. He said that there was a mental illness he COULD diagnose me with .. but I asked him not to and he said that was fine!!!!
This doctor treated me with respect, he LISTENED to everything I had to say and bits he didn�t understand we went over. He offered help if I wanted it, he even offered a new diagnosis if I wanted it.
We decided that I was border line depressed (a bit more likely to cry than I was and snap from time to time) and offered me drugs *if I wanted them* and again I said no.
He said I was a well adjusted, intelligent person who has, in his words �on of the best out looks on life he had ever seen�!!
So where are we now?? We kinda rounded up with the idea that although I had a physical condition the chances that any one would find out what was wrong is slim to none. And although it is physical it may well have some physiological aspects to it.
Personally I am happy to accept that, I know that my bladder & back problems are nothing I could have made up .. consciously or unconsciously, but it is always possible that I'm so used to the pain I still feel it even though its not there. That�s just something I'm going to have to work on my self .. in my own time in my own way. And if it doesn�t go away .. its here to stay!!
No ME means were kinda back to square one � but that�s ok, I don�t think I will ever have a full diagnosis, but he did agree that nerve damage is the only other physical cause to half they symptoms I have.
So to sum up .. please don�t wrote doctor wessley off, he methods might not fit in your idea of what doctors SHOULD be doing � but, give him a chance? It cant hurt to hear another opinion. If you don�t like it, you don�t have to go back. But as most people with ME say �anything is worth a try once� and you should try this once.
Good luck xxxxxxxx
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004