2002-03-17 - 3:25 p.m.
Still ill really. Fran came over sat night but she couldnt stay cos we had people for dinner toady. Had to sit for 3 hours!! Im in sooooooooo much pain!
Cal came and took me out yesterday, i didnt get much of a choise so i went, managed 45 mins the she had to bring me home cos i just couldnt cope.
I couldnt sleep last night cos my legs were in so much pain... :o( I managed to get off in the end after taking some pain killers!
I want to get my life back together, i soooooooo hate the thought of being like this againg and again. I read a book that ally sent me, i fit in to the second catogary where recovery is conserned. I will get better to about 70-80% and then i will relapse again. And this will continue to go on though out my life. Its scary, how long will i be in remition for before i fall down again? How will i ever manage to have any money if i can only work for 6 months at a time before i have to give up cos im ill again?
And why would a partenr want to stay with me knowing that i will need then to care for me when i get ill? Who would stick around for that? Knowing they would have to keep me cos i cant earn money.
This sounds really stupid but i was watching casualty last night, and i have always wanted to become a paramedic but now more than every. When i was well i never had any derection, i just wanted to do college and uni for as long as possible so i didnt have to work. Now all i want to do is work! Im dying to finish my qulifactions and get out there... just not going to happen is it! And even if i do get well enough to work, will they have me? Knowing that im liakaly to go off long term sick and that i have had back problems?
I was talking to Fran about getting on the counsil housing list last night. there is a three year weight so if we did it now that would be about right for her to be finisheing edu and wanting to move out. We would also have had a chance to save some money up! Also i think we would get quite high on the list. points for me and Fran, points for my ME and her CP, points for my not working, points for her not working, poiints for my depretion.... and last.. points for my being homless. Yup! homeless!! lol, my mum is moving, north. Part of me would really like to go. I would be closer to Su and my family, all my cousins that i love to bits who i never see. Housing is cheeper and i might be able to aford some where to live sooner. And of corse i would have my mum!
If i stay, i either move in with Fran... lol... in her single bed ;o) Or i live with my dad... *ahem* if you know me AT ALL you will know that is NOT POSSIBLE! besides the fact her only has 2 bed rooms and there are 3 kids!
So i dont know, i want to stay to be with Fran, end of story. I guess its quite a way off but its still scary, may be we really should look in to moving in together. Oh well, we'l see! Im going to have a look in to what you need to get on the counsil housing list and if we could afford to live with not much money coming in :oS lol... i will become the person i never wanted to be!
Ok, off to bed, im sucking fhattered!
Jo xx
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004