Thursday, Nov. 27, 2003 - 10:23 a.m.
Bloomin NTL
I thought i'd been cut off the internet cos i'v not been paying my bill .. turns out NTL are just a bit shit and everyone was offline .. i feel better :o)
Any way .. i thought id best update while im able to get online as i dont know when they will kick i'v not payed them and cut me off ;o)
What have i been up to? Well i believe the last time i wrote i was going to see Vik's in Surrey :-D (Vikki Quiency, not gob shite) I had SUCH a lovely day!!! It took me about 2 1/2 hours to get there .. I gave her a lil prezzy .. it was a poster of nearly naked men :-> I knew she would aprove!! We had a wee chat then had some lunch. Watched the end of Naghibrouers (I fucking hate that word, i just cant fucking get my head round it!) Any way .. after lunch we went back up stairs to have a lay down .. listened to some music, had a good gossip and said hi to her Ma when she got home. We just talked really .. was so lovely to see her. I left about 5 .. took me 4 hours to get home though :-/ .. i shouldnt be telling you this but i will any way ... I was so fucking scared on the way home. Vik's house is a easy journy. Its M11, M25, A3 then your in Brook. I was fine as i was leaving, stopped at a garage to get some chocolate in the end though cos i was feeling a lil drowsy. Got out on to the M25 and BANG it hit me. This fatuige that can only be described as a sheet of metal laying on me. Had i been at home, i would have been fast asleep .. very ill. However, i wasnt, i was in a car, driving, with no one there, stuck on the M25. There was tons of traffic and we were only doing about 10 miles an hour .. but we were speeding up and slowing down. I have never been so scared in my live, i was swerving all over the place, every time i blinked my eyes closed and i had to fours them to open again. I could hardly see my vision was so bad (When i get sleepy, i cant physically get the muscles in my eyes to work .. when i saw the optition about it he said it was quite amazing and that he'd never seen anything quite like it before .. it doesnt happen often any more, but its still scary when it does. Specially when your driving.) I was fighting to try and get my eyes to focus, but i just couldnt do it. I had to try and see with what i had. There were so many times i realized my eyes were closed and i had driffted off the side of the road. I wanted to stop .. but there serivse station was past the darford tunnle (about 46 miles from where i was) and i was doing less than 10 miles an hour. I thought about pulling on to the hard shoulder, but your told to leave your car when you pull over incase something crashes into you .. and it was pissing it down with rain. I have honestly never been SO scared in my life, i really thought i would die asleep at the wheel.
When i got through the Darford tunnle, they directed my thought the right hand tunnle and i couldnt get off for the services to i had to carry on up to the M11 .. by the time i got there i was so desp for the loo i was reaching. I had to pull over to the hard shoulder and sit on the edge of my car to pee. I was so sick while peeing, i was in so much pain. I dont really know how i found the energy to move from my seat to the other seat then out the door.
I made it home. I have no idea how .. i honestly have NO idea how.
I didnt feel too bad yesterday, just sleepy. I went to going and see Fran .. she was doing a charity car wash for a hospis in Cambridge. Only thing is it was tipping it down and she ended up getting really ill and being in loads of pain. She will kill me for saying this but im really worried about her. She's been in more and more pain lately, her hip is really bad and she's got another ear infection. I dont want her to end up really ill .. i totally understand why she doesnt want to stop. This week she is in Wales for a long course compertition .. its the last important one before the Parolympics, she cant miss it as it may change her chances of going. But on the other hand, if she keeps pushing her limits .. hummm .. *feels Fran's hands round her neck, squeezing*
Some one from the council came this morning to tell me off about not paying rent and to fill in more fucking housing benifit forms. He's not been here long. Problem is .. i lied about how much money i have :-s told them i only had 50 pounds to my name .. slighty under exagaration .. never mind!! lol ...
Today im feeling really quite ill .. i have that sand in my eyes feeling and i'v been sick three times already. I however need to be out and about today, make a ton of phone call's and send a ton of stuff. Made an appointment at the optitions, need to call my housing manager, need to make 3 CD's for Gemma and get them there before Sat (tight call) I need to send Fiona back her porn vids (Boo hoo)
Woke up at 9am and thought 'its quiet in here this morning' then i realized that the electric had gone off .. ARGH!! Im sure i had 2 pounds on there!! humm .. any way, so i had to run out and put the emergancy on. I stupidly left my mobiel at Fran's yesterday .. then went to Sarah's new house with ALison .. only i left my bag at Sarah's .. it has my wallet in it and all my pills (ARGH!) but the problem is, i have no pertorl so i cant go and get it .. and i have no money on me to fill up! lol .. what's a girl to do!?
Diarys are funny things .. personally, they make you feel better .. a chance to air things, let people know how you feel, let things out when they are getting you down .. a way of keeping in touch and public anouncments. But they can be so hurtful .. so rude and malicious. COld and callus .. i love reading diarys, i like know how people are .. people who i dont talk to much, it feels like im still envolved in there lives ... i get to know how they are feeling, how well they are .. all that stuff. But on the other hand, i dont want to know .. i dont want to hear about petty squabeling. Silly little rows from silly little people who i dont really give a flying fuck about. I love so many people .. Fran, Gaz, Jenny, Debs, Vikki Q, Nikki, Cass (This is just diary people btw) .. but there are people who really piss me off. Oh dear .. im going off on one again .. i think i should just start my entrys with Vikki Gorge is a spoiled brat with behaviour problems and then i would have no need to rambel on profoundly about people i love ... lol ;-)
Matt's not good. I dont want to explain why here .. but im going round tonight. I love him to bits, i just wish i could help him. I will do everything i can as a friend to make him feel better :o)
Right .. im off to work on Gemma's CD's and work out how im going to get my walet back! I hope every one is as well as possible.
Much love to Nikki
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee x x x
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004