Sunday, Jul. 06, 2003 - 11:09 p.m.
As promised
Well .. like i said .. i made it back, in one pice .. just ;o)
Last few days have been a bit odd really. Im ok though. Before you worry! And thank you to friends who have texted .. there really isnt anything to worry about though!! :oD
Im not feeling much better dispite being with matty all night .. lol, thats a bad sign!! If he cant cheer me up there's no help!!
I have a HUGE bar of choclate & Sarah McLachlan though so i will make it through the night!
I'v been quite angry the last few days really .. i'v also been told i shouldnt say what i was going to in my diary .. so im going to do an edited vertion .. ha ha .. although, the mood im in it might not stay very edited for very long!!
I'v been pissed off because im fucking sick to death of people moaning about how terrible there lives are. Now dont get me wrong, i moan, fuck i could moan for briten (in fact, i plan to moan for the paraolympic team in 2004) BUT .. what fucking makes my fucking blood BOIL is stupid little KIDS who have an easy life .. mummy and daddy and pennys in the back, in there nice houses with there fucking dysons and nice cars .. there cable telly and hot fucking water ... and all they talk about is how terrible things are. FUCK OFF! You know nothing!
Now im not saying for ONE second that my life is terrible .. its not, i have quite a nice little life actually! And im not saying that you shouldnt moan at all .. but not all the fucking time about the same fucking things. Its driving me mad! ugh .. KIDS!
I live with people who have NOTHING .. you think you have health problems? think again .. you have a broken finger compeared to some of the people i know.
I baby sat the other night and Paul choked on a bit of sausage .. only he is so weak though his SMA that he cant physically cough himself .. he could have died. He could die any day or the weeek at any moment if he doesnt get help quick ehough.
I live in one room .. i have some hot water, occationally, i share a shower & kithen with people who dont care .. they leave mess and dirt every where. Its noisy all the time, babys crying, people doing drugs out side my window. I cant get any fucking telly reseption half the time and i have a sofa thats so soft i cant fucking get out of it once im in it! My mother lives 200 miles away, my fater, who used to hit me thinks father-hood ended when i turned 16 and now think's he is the best thing sence slised bread because he gives me some money every month. I have a disablity that means i piss my self and i cant shit, i can hardly walk and i'v had chronic pain for the last nine years, i cant read because of my dyslexia and my spelling age is 9. I also have an illness that makes me have mad spasticity in my muscles making me shake, that means im so tiered by 4 i have to sleep or i cant function, that means im in pain 24 hours a day and have amazingly disterbuing nerurological symptoms. I have a chest infection constantly and urine burn all the time. I have no moeny, yet i have to pay for carers to come in and look after me, i also have to pay $200 a month for a wheel chair. I have to think about rent and electricity, making meals, keeping my car on the road .. credit on my phone, my land line bill, food shpping, water bill, clothes and shoes.
I think my life is fucking easy conmpeared to some peoples .. in fact, i know it is! I can breath and although i have my worries and problems .. im not dying & i have a roof over my head.
Just think .. next time your laying in your nice warm bed, with your family around you and your bank account full of money you dont need, with a bit of a head ache and a few aches and pains .. 'im better off than a lot of people and im fucking greatfull'
Jesus .. i could go on for hours the way im feeling at the moment.
This isnt a personal dig at any one. This entry will only be up for a night and then its going private .. so make all your comments and start all the rummers now while other people can see it!
As predicted ... it wasnt very edited .. ha ha ;o)
so .. in other news ;o) My car went in for its MOT .. it failed (shock horror) its going to cost me $160 for the brakes to be done .. not too bad really .. although it is $160 more than i have!
I am also starting to worry about other bills coming up too .. Sept is going to cost a lot as i still havent payed for the rest of the cottage & im going to stay with Jenny when she gets back from her Pa's. (Donations welcome!)
Oh well .. im sure things will settle down soon!! .. ha ha .. only been saying that for the last 9 months ;o)
ooooo .. the funny news about my car failing was that i got this curtosy car .. its a rover 214, 2.0 leter ;o) ha ha .. i'v been driving like a bitch! I feel even Nick (sicknote) would be proud of my driving lately! I'v been going back and forward up the A14 just to make the most of having a car that shifts! .. now, dont get me wrong, my Pug 106 will move .. cos im a great driver ;o) and i can make anything shift if i want to .. but this takes no effort .. just a heavy foot and were off!! ha ha .. i just have to make clear .. i stick to the speed limit at all times and speeding is DANGROUS!! - unless you drive like me, and are hard core wicked!! - MWHA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Right kids .. im off to bed .. sleep tight ;o)
Jennnnnay recomended this for my rant: Have you seen the old man,In the closed down market,
Picking up the papers,
With his worn out shoes,
In his eyes you see no pride,
And hanging loosely at his side,
Yesterdays paper,
Telling yesterdays news,
So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine,
Well let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of London,
I'll show you something to make you change your mind, And have you seen the old dear,
Who walks the streets of London,
Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags,
She's no time for talking,
She just keeps right on walking,
Carrying her home,
In two carrier bags,
So how can you tell me you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't,
Well let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of London,
I'll show you something to make you change your mind, And in the all night cafe,
At a quarter past eleven,
Same old man,
Sitting there on his own,
And each tea lasts an hour,
And he wanders home alone,
So how can you tell me that you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine,
Well let me take you by the hand,
And lead you through the streets of London,
I'll show you something to make you change your mind, And have you seen the old man,
Outside the seaman's mission,
Memory fading with the medal ribbons that he wears,
And in the winter city,
The rain cries a little ditty,
One more forgotten hero,
And a World that doesn't care,
So how can you tell me that you're lonely,
And say for you that the sun don't shine,
Well let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London,
I'll show you something to make you change your mind.
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004