2003-02-13 - 12:37 a.m.
I am missrable
I went to the hosital, and she was horrible. Granted not as nasty as the doctor was last time but i trust nurses & she was just mean.
I dont want to go in to all the details of my bladder here (if you honestly want to know whats going on the mail me, im not afriad to talk about it .. im open, i just know lots of people dont want to read about it all!!)
Any way ... im not aloud to see my consoltant again and just have to weight another 9 fucking months to see that dozey nurse again :'-(
Im missrable because of that, and because i got an E mail from a doctor who i asked about spinal injury who said if you cant see it on an MRI scan then its unlikaly they will diognose in :'-( I had pined so many hopes on it being that .. i knew i was setting my self up for a fall .. i dont know why i do it. Every fucking time, im so thick.
I did something really stupid, and as a conciquence, i have really hurt some one. I never set out to hurt people, it just seems to happen that everything turns to shit when i touch it. I am in such a mess at the moment .. i keep smiling & hoping it will all sort its self out .. but i dont know that it will.
Fran keeps asking whats the matter, and others ask me to open up to them but there isnt anything wrong as such. Its just a mixture of everything and nothing. Som days i could take the wrold on .. i dont care what happens .. and then i get days like to day where i was absolutly desprate to burn my self again & just cry all day.
I want a hug so badly .. i miss my mum & i miss my life.
I cant stop crying. I feel so .. empty & lonely & missrable.
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004