2003-01-16 - 3:57 p.m.
Everything i was scared of
How could he? How could he abuse my trust like that? How dear he do things to me i asked him not to?
I was so scared, every bang wakes me .. i cant sleep. I have the door locked all the time. I dont answer unless i know its Alison.
I told him not to.
The way he looked at me. I feel sick, i keep being sick. He knows im not strong .. im not strong enough to get him to stop and im not strong enough to till him to fuck off.
I feel so stupid. How many times do i have to go though this before i learn how to handel it??
Now he controles my mental health ... he know how scared i am .. i am so scared to walk down the halls .. scared he will be at my door, push in when i open in. i am so so scared.
I got a text message .. i cryed. I had to text Alison .. after all, she is the only one who understands.
i cant have any one here becasue im just to weak. Physically weak. Saw the doc yesterday, i have tamazapam .. but nothing will help me sleep now.
The mental stuff is cauing huge physical pain. I can hardly move at the moment.
What do i do now? What if he comes back? God, i am so scared :'(
Im sorry ... i shouldnt put this here, but people keep texting asking if im ok and i dont want to have to explain it to everyone.
Im sorry.
I wont be online for a while i dont think.
But i love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004