2003-01-01 - 3:35 a.m.
happy new year :-)
hello every one! Hope every one is ok? I know for most of the people i know christmas & new year just causes more pain and angwish. I hope that my friends who are feeling like that at the moment know the cn call on me at any time.
I read Nikki's diary .. i wish i could see her more and get to know her better again .. that might sound really silly when i call her one of my best friends .. but some times i feel like we have drifed sence she got ill.
No ones fault .... its a mixture of us both being ill & being at other ends of the contry! But like her resolutions say ... im going to be there more for my friends and make sure i keep in touch more .. rather than once a bloomin month & just catching up on her health !!!
I hate that .. not seeing people for ages, then just talkng about health when we do! There is so much more to us that our physial health .. and its easy to forget.
I want to go down and stay with Kat. I know she needs her friends more than eveer at the moment. I dont just want to turn up on her door step though! lol. I guess may be in a few weeks after christmas & money has settled i could go down for a weekend to give her a hug :-)
I havent up dated in a while because Chelle (Jelly baby) and Fran have been staying here. Its been really lovely to see Jelly bean actually. We meet on holiday last year, she is an AYMEr too :-)
We have been out for new years eve .. i didnt want to go out but we had a nice evening any way. We went to the Tap's (my local) with Gerry & Alison from the hostal. Was as nice evening & im glad Fran finaly got to meet them both .. seen as i talk about them all the time!!
Fran looked more beautiful that ever tonight. She just looked .. radiant ... is that the word? Gerry told her so, in fact .. men were looking at her TONS tonight! People winking & looking & smiling .. just proves that she has an aufl lot more going for her than she thinks!!
Jelly baby is going home tomorrow .. then im off to see my mum before she goes home to Hull. There are a few things i want to talk over with her. I havent told many people my ideas .. but i will reviel them soon :-)
Me & Fran are having another christmas day tomorrow too with Fran mum, with left over prezzys & another christmas dinner :-D I really hope i am well enough .. i have ben feeling worse than i have felt in a very long time the last few days. I know i cant be relapsing if i dont have ME .. but i seriosul need to get some rest before i burn out and hings turn nasty :-S
People keep asking if i am ok. I am ok .. just .. but if i start to open up to all my fears im worried things might cave in on me .. does that make sence? Like if i let go of one thing .. everything will just fall down.
I really dont want people to think i am mad, im not, im not depressed or worried and i dont have a personality disorder .. i just need some conclutions or something to help me hold on.
I think i should go .. Fran & Jelly baby need food and drink!!
send me luuuuvvv - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
newly free! - Monday, Mar. 22, 2004
its not goodbye - Friday, Mar. 12, 2004
burp - Sunday, Mar. 07, 2004
filling in :-) - Thursday, Mar. 04, 2004